Question: Can the Poor Really be Happy?

Recently, I read a very good book.

 

Get it, read it, ponder it.

The book was about living evangelical poverty, regardless of your state in life. By evangelical poverty, we mean the virtue of poverty, as spoken of by our Lord in the Gospels - NOT destitution, NOT squalor, NOT lack of being able to provide for one’s basic human needs. This type of material poverty is an offense against human dignity, and we should work to eliminate it. In fact, this is actually part of the reason why, all throughout the Gospels, Jesus promotes a lifestyle of voluntary poverty as an ideal way of living.

“He instructed them to take nothing for the journey but a walking stick – no food, no sack, no money in their belts. They were, however, to wear sandals, but not a second tunic.”
– Mk. 6: 8-9 -

“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and decay destroy, and thieves break in and steal. But store up treasures in heaven….”
– Mt. 6:19 -

Jesus said to him, “If you wish to be perfect, go, sell what you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow Me.” When the young man heard this statement, he went away sad, for he had many possessions. Then Jesus said to His disciples, “Amen, I say to you, it will be hard for one who is rich to enter the kingdom of heaven. Again, I say to you, it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for one who is rich to enter the Kingdom of God.”
–Mt. 19: 21-24 -

That’s pretty radical.

Fr. Dubay points out that many of us read these and other words of Jesus and tend to believe that such radicality is reserved only for priests and nuns or foreign missionaries or this saint or that…..but not me. Or we content ourselves with a “poverty of spirit”, believing that it is enough to pursue detachment from our possessions without having to change our comfortable lives. Don’t get me wrong, spiritual poverty is desirable, necessary, but I believe evangelical poverty is more than this.

Jesus, Himself, though He was God, chose to live as a poor man, beginning His life in a cold and dirty stable...

 

 

 

 

 

 

spending the majority of it doing the simple work of a carpenter....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

and ending it stripped naked on a Cross. If His words are not enough, the witness of His life shows His regard for a poverty that is not merely spiritual but actual.

Indeed, evangelical poverty may look different for a priest or a nun, or even for two different lay people, but the point Fr. Dubay wishes to make is that we are called to practice it. The Gospel is for everyone! In our lives, the practice of this actual poverty takes the form of an authentic frugality, a willingness to give all of the gifts of oneself (time, talent, treasure) without “counting the cost”, even at times giving from our substance and not merely from our abundance (Mk. 12: 41-44). It is, as Father calls it, a “sparing-sharing” lifestyle, choosing ourselves to “have-not” so that others may “have.” We need the help of God to do this, because it is not easy. But it just might be easier than getting a camel to pass through the eye of a needle.

The most important thing I took away from this book is the SO THAT. I realized that I viewed poverty itself as the end to be achieved, the ideal to be lived. But this is not the case. Evangelical poverty is only a means to the same joint ends I mentioned in last week’s blog: love of God and love of others. Living a life of poverty is meant to free us from the love of money and material possessions and, therefore, free us to be more attentive and responsive to God’s Will and to others’ needs. And believe it or not, it frees us to be more generous in our giving, because it requires and engenders trust that God is going to provide what we need when we need it. I know people who practice such poverty and generosity and it is not uncommon for them to witness "miraculous" events and obvious answers to prayer in their life, because 1) they expect them and 2) they are dependent on God and not on their own resources. And the witness of these people makes others realize that the “Word of God is living and effective” (Heb. 4:12), even attractive. True Gospel poverty, because it leads to an authentic freedom, generates JOY!

 

Here is a snippet of the examination Fr. Dubay includes, to help you prayerfully reflect on how God may be calling you to greater evangelical poverty in your own life:

1)      Am I willing to embrace the self-denial and suffering Gospel poverty entails?

2)      What stands in the way of my giving myself more completely to God? Of my abandoning myself to Him with a radical faith? Of my trusting Him completely?

3)      Where am I too comfortable in the world?

4)      Could I explain what Gospel poverty is and isn’t? Why it is beautiful and good?

5)      Do I rationalize my lack of factual frugality on the basis that I am detached from what I have? What proof do I have of my detachment?

6)      Have I turned poverty into an end rather than a means to be sought for what it makes possible?

7)      Do I live in such a way as to have something to share with the poor?

8)      Does my witness of poverty give credibility to the Gospel?

9)      Does the thought of heaven influence my daily decisions? Does my use of creation speak God to others? (How do I use or abuse creation?)

10)   Does my pilgrim status prompt me to want only necessities or do I hoard superfluous things? (How might my consumer decisions affect others, now and in future generations?)

 

Happy are you, poor! ;)

 

 

13. You are Mortal

 

Death.

One of those unavoidable things that we all try to avoid as much as possible.  We don’t like to talk about it, we get uncomfortable when we hear about it, we certainly don’t want it to happen to us, and we generally regard it as unfortunate or regrettable. 

And well, it is. After all, God never intended for us to die. It was a consequence of sin. (Romans 5:12, Genesis 2:4 - 3:19)

Now, it is a part of our fallen human condition. We can escape taxes, but we can’t escape death.

What we can do is be prepared for it.

I’m not talking about writing a will and getting a burial plot and finding a life insurance plan. These focus on what happens to our earthly possessions and how to make earthly life better for those we love, after we are gone. They are all good things, but they often lack an eternal perspective.

The best way to prepare to leave this world is to recognize that this world is not our home. Too often, we behave like it is.

We spend just to acquire;

 

we save just to hoard;

 

we chase pleasure and ease, and argue that, at the end of the day, we are entitled to our indulgences.

 

 

 We put down roots and make ourselves comfortable.

 Indeed, we spend so much effort trying to make ourselves comfortable. But too much earthen comfort, pleasure, “security”, can sometimes make us forget that we are not at home here. The world presents goods to us as a “be all and end all”, telling us if we will buy this and do that we will be “all set.” And what results is a confused culture that views the means as the end and the end as the means.

To illustrate: My friend, Ken, has put it like this: “What is the SO THAT?” In other words, what is it we're aiming for? What is the goal we're working towards? Everything has a proper order. We go to school SO THAT we can get a better job. We work SO THAT we can make money, and we make money SO THAT we can provide for ourselves and others….Got the idea? We can easily become enamored or preoccupied by the means (ex: vain pursuit of higher education just to add titles or honor to our name; working to the point of neglecting our families; obsessing over or craving to make more money) and misplace or disregard the SO THAT, the proper end, the final purpose for the good we seek. When we do, we get stuck in the perpetual frustration of an obsessive-compulsive lifestyle. And we often expect God and those around us to be the means to help us secure these ephemeral goods.

The ultimate “SO THAT” is eternal life. When Jesus was asked by a scholar what must be done to inherit eternal life, Jesus asked the man what was written in the Jewish law. He said in reply, “You shall love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, with all your being, with all your strength, and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself” (Luke 10:27). Here are the two inseparable ends that Jesus shows us: love of God and love of neighbor. The things, the beauties, the programs and pleasures of this earth are good for us only so far as they are a means to these two ends.

Sometimes it takes facing death to reorient ourselves toward what is most important. Often, a man on his death bed is most concerned about making himself right with God, forgiving others and asking forgiveness, spending time with and expressing affection for loved ones, and letting go of all the “stuff” he held dear on this earth – the “stuff” he now realizes is only stuff, stuff that he can’t take with him when he goes. Not all of us have the good fortune of deathbed conversions and reconciliations. Not all of us will die on a bed surrounded by family and friends. Many of us will die unexpectedly. Not to be morbid, but it’s true.

When we ponder our own mortality, the meaning of our lives, and our final end, we can begin to live in the same way as we would hope to die. We can ask God to help us order our lives according to His Great Commandment, and to let go of the possessions, situations, attitudes and attachments that hinder us from reaching our final goal of union with Him in heaven. Then, our lives will be much more free and beautiful, and no matter how death presents itself to us, we'll be ready. We'll be ready to go home.

"When first things are put first, second things are not suppressed but increased."
- C.S. Lewis -

“The world promises you comfort, but you were not made for comfort; you were made for greatness.”
- Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI -

Question: What Can Spiderman Teach me About True Love?

This past weekend, as some of you may know, I hosted a Spiderman movie marathon. It was great to get together with some good friends, eat food, shoot silly string, put on temporary tattoos and Spidey masks, and enjoy some good villain-crushing action! As for the movies, these are some of my reflections. (POSSIBLE SPOILER!)

A short and somewhat exaggerated synopsis of Peter Parker (Spiderman) and Mary Jane Watson’s romance:

 

SPIDER-MAN 1:
Peter: I’ve always loved Mary Jane, since before I knew what love was.
MJ: Peter Parker, eww. I’m in love with Harry.
Peter: Now that I’m Spiderman, I will impress Mary Jane and she will fall in love with me.
MJ: Spiderman, ooh. I don’t think Harry will mind if I kiss you, Spiderman…upsidedown.
Harry: Spiderman! What?!
MJ: Peter, I think I might still be with Harry, but I’m going to kiss you anyway, because I love you.
Peter: I don’t love you…. because I love lies! Let’s just be friends.

SPIDER-MAN 2:

 

MJ: Peter, let me caress your face. My boyfriend won’t mind. By the way, you should come to my play.
Peter: I wouldn’t miss it…..unless, of course, I miss it. Sorry, evil stuff happens.
MJ: I hate you, Peter. I’m going to marry John. He comes to my plays.
Peter: Mary Jane! I won’t fight evil anymore. Just go out to dinner with me…alone….even if you are engaged…. We won’t tell anyone!
MJ: *kisses John upsidedown. Gets disappointed. Goes and meets Peter for lunch*
Kiss me, Peter. Don’t mind the engagement ring.
Peter: Watch out for the villain behind you! And look, I’m Spiderman!
MJ: Spiderman, ooh. I don’t think John will mind if I leave him. I love you, Peter.

SPIDER-MAN 3:
Peter: I think I’ll marry MJ. But first, let me kiss Gwen, just to be sure.
MJ: I hate you, Peter. I’m going to kiss Harry, just to spite you.
Harry: Break up with Peter or I’ll kill him.
MJ: Okay, no problem.
Peter: I guess MJ hates me. I’ll just use Gwen to make her jealous.
Gwen: Forget you, Peter.
Peter: I guess I’m not ready for marriage. We should just be friends.

 

By the end of three Spiderman movies, I was ready to throw something at Peter and Mary Jane. In the name of love, they lie, cheat, compromise, use and abuse other people, intentionally arouse jealousy, and, on the whole, make some pretty immature decisions. And we hold our breath and wait for them to get together.

Is this what love is?

Personally, I think Peter finally got it right when he realized he was not ready to consider marriage, and maybe he should focus on building a good friendship. If Mary Jane would echo his sentiments and learn how to truly love her FRIEND, Peter, they might have a beautiful relationship. In fact, if Mary Jane and Peter can learn how to truly love each other as friends, they will probably have a beautiful marriage someday, even if it’s not to each other. (I know, Spider-man fans, it’s SCANDAL!)

This word TRULY is key. What is “true love”?

Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI says this: “To love someone is to desire that person’s good and to take effective steps to secure it. Besides the good of the individual, there is a good that is linked to living in society: the common good. It is the good of “all of us”, made up of individuals, families and intermediate groups who together constitute society…”(Caritas in Veritate, p. 7). But what is “good”? Comfort, pleasure, happiness, wealth, security? What we define as loving often stems from what we believe is the greatest good for others.

Augustine teaches us that “The highest good, than which there is no other, is God.” God is goodness itself, the original GOOD, so if we want to know what is “good”, the best thing to do is to hold it up next to Him and measure it by His standards (discovered through prayer, reading Scripture, Church documents, the lives of the saints) and by how well it orients us (and others) towards and brings us closer to Him, the Highest and Ultimate Good.

Family and friends express their love differently than couples and lovers (or at least, they should!). The Ancient Greeks understood this so well that they invented different words to describe each of these different expressions. We can learn from sibling relationships how to treat the opposite sex. We can see spousal affection modeled for us by parents, which may help to lay a foundation for a future romantic relationship. We can learn how to develop our own identity within a friendship. We can learn from all of these types of relationships really important qualities like honesty, keeping our word, service to others, active listening, teamwork, the list goes on…

But there are some things that more properly belong to one relationship rather than another, and there are some boundaries that are necessary to define, especially when romantic attraction is involved. It is beautiful that Peter Parker has been faithfully waiting for Mary Jane since the first grade, but if she is in a relationship with someone else, the loving thing for Peter to do is not to seek himself and what he thinks is good, but to help MJ discover what is going to be best decision for her in every respect, and to encourage her in it, even if it leads her further from him. It may be understandable if MJ has a bit of an infatuation with Spiderman, or even with Peter (I mean, he/they did save her life), but she loves neither Harry nor John if she is off kissing other men in dark alleys and coffee shops. In truth, she fails to love Peter when she demands kisses from him and fails to respect his original request to just be friends. We won’t go through this scene by scene…

Proper boundaries are good. They help us to grow as healthy individuals and communities, in an atmosphere of true love (love that leads us towards what is objectively and ultimately good). When lines are blurred, we can end up in this tangled web (no pun intended) of confusion, deception, and immorality.

So how can we set GOOD boundaries in our friendships, to prepare for and help us in setting good boundaries in our (future or current) romantic relationships?

Just a few thoughts:
1) Can an “outsider” readily identify who is your friend and who is more than a friend? Do your words and actions reflect that you are just friends? Do you touch each other or flirt excessively?  Do you spend too much time alone with a friend of the opposite sex? Do you have a “best friend” relationship with the opposite sex that you wouldn’t quite know what to do with if you starting dating someone?
2) Consider whether a particular course of action promotes virtue (i.e. orients toward the Highest Good) for you and for the other(s) involved.  i.e. Cheating on your significant other, trying to make someone else jealous, using others for your own physical or emotional pleasure, dressing seductively = not promoting virtue. “Friendship with benefits” = not a friendship at all!
3) Be aware of the various movements of your heart. Are you involved in an elaborate imaginary relationship with your love interest? Do you seek or build emotional intimacy with your opposite-sex friends with no intent to pursue a romantic relationship/marriage? Do you discuss things with your opposite-sex friends that you don't or won't discuss with your significant other? Setting healthy emotional boundaries is just as important as setting healthy physical boundaries. This is often called emotional chastity or emotional virtue.
4) Respect yourself; protect yourself. You deserve to be treated with the dignity proper to a human person. Don’t sell yourself short for momentary affection or attention. If you are uncomfortable, give credence to those feelings. Your boundaries may be different than the guy next to you, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you should set them aside.

 

Here are some other great resources:
The Rules of Opposite-Gender Friendships
I just like the name of this blog. :)
Men, Women and the Mystery of Love
Love and Responsibility