Question: Can the Poor Really be Happy?

Recently, I read a very good book.

 

Get it, read it, ponder it.

The book was about living evangelical poverty, regardless of your state in life. By evangelical poverty, we mean the virtue of poverty, as spoken of by our Lord in the Gospels - NOT destitution, NOT squalor, NOT lack of being able to provide for one’s basic human needs. This type of material poverty is an offense against human dignity, and we should work to eliminate it. In fact, this is actually part of the reason why, all throughout the Gospels, Jesus promotes a lifestyle of voluntary poverty as an ideal way of living.

“He instructed them to take nothing for the journey but a walking stick – no food, no sack, no money in their belts. They were, however, to wear sandals, but not a second tunic.”
– Mk. 6: 8-9 -

“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and decay destroy, and thieves break in and steal. But store up treasures in heaven….”
– Mt. 6:19 -

Jesus said to him, “If you wish to be perfect, go, sell what you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow Me.” When the young man heard this statement, he went away sad, for he had many possessions. Then Jesus said to His disciples, “Amen, I say to you, it will be hard for one who is rich to enter the kingdom of heaven. Again, I say to you, it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for one who is rich to enter the Kingdom of God.”
–Mt. 19: 21-24 -

That’s pretty radical.

Fr. Dubay points out that many of us read these and other words of Jesus and tend to believe that such radicality is reserved only for priests and nuns or foreign missionaries or this saint or that…..but not me. Or we content ourselves with a “poverty of spirit”, believing that it is enough to pursue detachment from our possessions without having to change our comfortable lives. Don’t get me wrong, spiritual poverty is desirable, necessary, but I believe evangelical poverty is more than this.

Jesus, Himself, though He was God, chose to live as a poor man, beginning His life in a cold and dirty stable...

 

 

 

 

 

 

spending the majority of it doing the simple work of a carpenter....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

and ending it stripped naked on a Cross. If His words are not enough, the witness of His life shows His regard for a poverty that is not merely spiritual but actual.

Indeed, evangelical poverty may look different for a priest or a nun, or even for two different lay people, but the point Fr. Dubay wishes to make is that we are called to practice it. The Gospel is for everyone! In our lives, the practice of this actual poverty takes the form of an authentic frugality, a willingness to give all of the gifts of oneself (time, talent, treasure) without “counting the cost”, even at times giving from our substance and not merely from our abundance (Mk. 12: 41-44). It is, as Father calls it, a “sparing-sharing” lifestyle, choosing ourselves to “have-not” so that others may “have.” We need the help of God to do this, because it is not easy. But it just might be easier than getting a camel to pass through the eye of a needle.

The most important thing I took away from this book is the SO THAT. I realized that I viewed poverty itself as the end to be achieved, the ideal to be lived. But this is not the case. Evangelical poverty is only a means to the same joint ends I mentioned in last week’s blog: love of God and love of others. Living a life of poverty is meant to free us from the love of money and material possessions and, therefore, free us to be more attentive and responsive to God’s Will and to others’ needs. And believe it or not, it frees us to be more generous in our giving, because it requires and engenders trust that God is going to provide what we need when we need it. I know people who practice such poverty and generosity and it is not uncommon for them to witness "miraculous" events and obvious answers to prayer in their life, because 1) they expect them and 2) they are dependent on God and not on their own resources. And the witness of these people makes others realize that the “Word of God is living and effective” (Heb. 4:12), even attractive. True Gospel poverty, because it leads to an authentic freedom, generates JOY!

 

Here is a snippet of the examination Fr. Dubay includes, to help you prayerfully reflect on how God may be calling you to greater evangelical poverty in your own life:

1)      Am I willing to embrace the self-denial and suffering Gospel poverty entails?

2)      What stands in the way of my giving myself more completely to God? Of my abandoning myself to Him with a radical faith? Of my trusting Him completely?

3)      Where am I too comfortable in the world?

4)      Could I explain what Gospel poverty is and isn’t? Why it is beautiful and good?

5)      Do I rationalize my lack of factual frugality on the basis that I am detached from what I have? What proof do I have of my detachment?

6)      Have I turned poverty into an end rather than a means to be sought for what it makes possible?

7)      Do I live in such a way as to have something to share with the poor?

8)      Does my witness of poverty give credibility to the Gospel?

9)      Does the thought of heaven influence my daily decisions? Does my use of creation speak God to others? (How do I use or abuse creation?)

10)   Does my pilgrim status prompt me to want only necessities or do I hoard superfluous things? (How might my consumer decisions affect others, now and in future generations?)

 

Happy are you, poor! ;)

 

 

13. You are Mortal

 

Death.

One of those unavoidable things that we all try to avoid as much as possible.  We don’t like to talk about it, we get uncomfortable when we hear about it, we certainly don’t want it to happen to us, and we generally regard it as unfortunate or regrettable. 

And well, it is. After all, God never intended for us to die. It was a consequence of sin. (Romans 5:12, Genesis 2:4 - 3:19)

Now, it is a part of our fallen human condition. We can escape taxes, but we can’t escape death.

What we can do is be prepared for it.

I’m not talking about writing a will and getting a burial plot and finding a life insurance plan. These focus on what happens to our earthly possessions and how to make earthly life better for those we love, after we are gone. They are all good things, but they often lack an eternal perspective.

The best way to prepare to leave this world is to recognize that this world is not our home. Too often, we behave like it is.

We spend just to acquire;

 

we save just to hoard;

 

we chase pleasure and ease, and argue that, at the end of the day, we are entitled to our indulgences.

 

 

 We put down roots and make ourselves comfortable.

 Indeed, we spend so much effort trying to make ourselves comfortable. But too much earthen comfort, pleasure, “security”, can sometimes make us forget that we are not at home here. The world presents goods to us as a “be all and end all”, telling us if we will buy this and do that we will be “all set.” And what results is a confused culture that views the means as the end and the end as the means.

To illustrate: My friend, Ken, has put it like this: “What is the SO THAT?” In other words, what is it we're aiming for? What is the goal we're working towards? Everything has a proper order. We go to school SO THAT we can get a better job. We work SO THAT we can make money, and we make money SO THAT we can provide for ourselves and others….Got the idea? We can easily become enamored or preoccupied by the means (ex: vain pursuit of higher education just to add titles or honor to our name; working to the point of neglecting our families; obsessing over or craving to make more money) and misplace or disregard the SO THAT, the proper end, the final purpose for the good we seek. When we do, we get stuck in the perpetual frustration of an obsessive-compulsive lifestyle. And we often expect God and those around us to be the means to help us secure these ephemeral goods.

The ultimate “SO THAT” is eternal life. When Jesus was asked by a scholar what must be done to inherit eternal life, Jesus asked the man what was written in the Jewish law. He said in reply, “You shall love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, with all your being, with all your strength, and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself” (Luke 10:27). Here are the two inseparable ends that Jesus shows us: love of God and love of neighbor. The things, the beauties, the programs and pleasures of this earth are good for us only so far as they are a means to these two ends.

Sometimes it takes facing death to reorient ourselves toward what is most important. Often, a man on his death bed is most concerned about making himself right with God, forgiving others and asking forgiveness, spending time with and expressing affection for loved ones, and letting go of all the “stuff” he held dear on this earth – the “stuff” he now realizes is only stuff, stuff that he can’t take with him when he goes. Not all of us have the good fortune of deathbed conversions and reconciliations. Not all of us will die on a bed surrounded by family and friends. Many of us will die unexpectedly. Not to be morbid, but it’s true.

When we ponder our own mortality, the meaning of our lives, and our final end, we can begin to live in the same way as we would hope to die. We can ask God to help us order our lives according to His Great Commandment, and to let go of the possessions, situations, attitudes and attachments that hinder us from reaching our final goal of union with Him in heaven. Then, our lives will be much more free and beautiful, and no matter how death presents itself to us, we'll be ready. We'll be ready to go home.

"When first things are put first, second things are not suppressed but increased."
- C.S. Lewis -

“The world promises you comfort, but you were not made for comfort; you were made for greatness.”
- Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI -

Question: What Can Spiderman Teach me About True Love?

This past weekend, as some of you may know, I hosted a Spiderman movie marathon. It was great to get together with some good friends, eat food, shoot silly string, put on temporary tattoos and Spidey masks, and enjoy some good villain-crushing action! As for the movies, these are some of my reflections. (POSSIBLE SPOILER!)

A short and somewhat exaggerated synopsis of Peter Parker (Spiderman) and Mary Jane Watson’s romance:

 

SPIDER-MAN 1:
Peter: I’ve always loved Mary Jane, since before I knew what love was.
MJ: Peter Parker, eww. I’m in love with Harry.
Peter: Now that I’m Spiderman, I will impress Mary Jane and she will fall in love with me.
MJ: Spiderman, ooh. I don’t think Harry will mind if I kiss you, Spiderman…upsidedown.
Harry: Spiderman! What?!
MJ: Peter, I think I might still be with Harry, but I’m going to kiss you anyway, because I love you.
Peter: I don’t love you…. because I love lies! Let’s just be friends.

SPIDER-MAN 2:

 

MJ: Peter, let me caress your face. My boyfriend won’t mind. By the way, you should come to my play.
Peter: I wouldn’t miss it…..unless, of course, I miss it. Sorry, evil stuff happens.
MJ: I hate you, Peter. I’m going to marry John. He comes to my plays.
Peter: Mary Jane! I won’t fight evil anymore. Just go out to dinner with me…alone….even if you are engaged…. We won’t tell anyone!
MJ: *kisses John upsidedown. Gets disappointed. Goes and meets Peter for lunch*
Kiss me, Peter. Don’t mind the engagement ring.
Peter: Watch out for the villain behind you! And look, I’m Spiderman!
MJ: Spiderman, ooh. I don’t think John will mind if I leave him. I love you, Peter.

SPIDER-MAN 3:
Peter: I think I’ll marry MJ. But first, let me kiss Gwen, just to be sure.
MJ: I hate you, Peter. I’m going to kiss Harry, just to spite you.
Harry: Break up with Peter or I’ll kill him.
MJ: Okay, no problem.
Peter: I guess MJ hates me. I’ll just use Gwen to make her jealous.
Gwen: Forget you, Peter.
Peter: I guess I’m not ready for marriage. We should just be friends.

 

By the end of three Spiderman movies, I was ready to throw something at Peter and Mary Jane. In the name of love, they lie, cheat, compromise, use and abuse other people, intentionally arouse jealousy, and, on the whole, make some pretty immature decisions. And we hold our breath and wait for them to get together.

Is this what love is?

Personally, I think Peter finally got it right when he realized he was not ready to consider marriage, and maybe he should focus on building a good friendship. If Mary Jane would echo his sentiments and learn how to truly love her FRIEND, Peter, they might have a beautiful relationship. In fact, if Mary Jane and Peter can learn how to truly love each other as friends, they will probably have a beautiful marriage someday, even if it’s not to each other. (I know, Spider-man fans, it’s SCANDAL!)

This word TRULY is key. What is “true love”?

Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI says this: “To love someone is to desire that person’s good and to take effective steps to secure it. Besides the good of the individual, there is a good that is linked to living in society: the common good. It is the good of “all of us”, made up of individuals, families and intermediate groups who together constitute society…”(Caritas in Veritate, p. 7). But what is “good”? Comfort, pleasure, happiness, wealth, security? What we define as loving often stems from what we believe is the greatest good for others.

Augustine teaches us that “The highest good, than which there is no other, is God.” God is goodness itself, the original GOOD, so if we want to know what is “good”, the best thing to do is to hold it up next to Him and measure it by His standards (discovered through prayer, reading Scripture, Church documents, the lives of the saints) and by how well it orients us (and others) towards and brings us closer to Him, the Highest and Ultimate Good.

Family and friends express their love differently than couples and lovers (or at least, they should!). The Ancient Greeks understood this so well that they invented different words to describe each of these different expressions. We can learn from sibling relationships how to treat the opposite sex. We can see spousal affection modeled for us by parents, which may help to lay a foundation for a future romantic relationship. We can learn how to develop our own identity within a friendship. We can learn from all of these types of relationships really important qualities like honesty, keeping our word, service to others, active listening, teamwork, the list goes on…

But there are some things that more properly belong to one relationship rather than another, and there are some boundaries that are necessary to define, especially when romantic attraction is involved. It is beautiful that Peter Parker has been faithfully waiting for Mary Jane since the first grade, but if she is in a relationship with someone else, the loving thing for Peter to do is not to seek himself and what he thinks is good, but to help MJ discover what is going to be best decision for her in every respect, and to encourage her in it, even if it leads her further from him. It may be understandable if MJ has a bit of an infatuation with Spiderman, or even with Peter (I mean, he/they did save her life), but she loves neither Harry nor John if she is off kissing other men in dark alleys and coffee shops. In truth, she fails to love Peter when she demands kisses from him and fails to respect his original request to just be friends. We won’t go through this scene by scene…

Proper boundaries are good. They help us to grow as healthy individuals and communities, in an atmosphere of true love (love that leads us towards what is objectively and ultimately good). When lines are blurred, we can end up in this tangled web (no pun intended) of confusion, deception, and immorality.

So how can we set GOOD boundaries in our friendships, to prepare for and help us in setting good boundaries in our (future or current) romantic relationships?

Just a few thoughts:
1) Can an “outsider” readily identify who is your friend and who is more than a friend? Do your words and actions reflect that you are just friends? Do you touch each other or flirt excessively?  Do you spend too much time alone with a friend of the opposite sex? Do you have a “best friend” relationship with the opposite sex that you wouldn’t quite know what to do with if you starting dating someone?
2) Consider whether a particular course of action promotes virtue (i.e. orients toward the Highest Good) for you and for the other(s) involved.  i.e. Cheating on your significant other, trying to make someone else jealous, using others for your own physical or emotional pleasure, dressing seductively = not promoting virtue. “Friendship with benefits” = not a friendship at all!
3) Be aware of the various movements of your heart. Are you involved in an elaborate imaginary relationship with your love interest? Do you seek or build emotional intimacy with your opposite-sex friends with no intent to pursue a romantic relationship/marriage? Do you discuss things with your opposite-sex friends that you don't or won't discuss with your significant other? Setting healthy emotional boundaries is just as important as setting healthy physical boundaries. This is often called emotional chastity or emotional virtue.
4) Respect yourself; protect yourself. You deserve to be treated with the dignity proper to a human person. Don’t sell yourself short for momentary affection or attention. If you are uncomfortable, give credence to those feelings. Your boundaries may be different than the guy next to you, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you should set them aside.

 

Here are some other great resources:
The Rules of Opposite-Gender Friendships
I just like the name of this blog. :)
Men, Women and the Mystery of Love
Love and Responsibility

12. You Have a Heart

The human heart.

The center of man’s affectivity – his emotions, desires, passions – the ability to “feel”, in the broad range of all that involves, from simple happiness and sadness to empathy, deep love, righteous anger, saintly ecstasy. I don’t think any of us disagrees that we do, indeed, have a heart. After all, how many times (in a day maybe!) do we use the word?

Follow your heart…
Let’s have a heart-to-heart talk….
My heart goes out to her….
It’s very close to my heart….
He broke my heart….

Oh, HEART! Oh beautiful, mysterious, awful heart!

Last Saturday, I went to confession (because I’m not perfect), and the priest saw me drive into the parking lot. He came up to my car to say hello, and remarked, “You don’t look too good”. I might have otherwise been offended, but it was a fair observation, as I had been crying quite a bit that morning. After I made my confession, he asked the reason for my tears, and I said, “It’s the same ol’ stuff, Father. I’m just a girl with a heart.”

Indeed, “more tortuous than anything is the human heart, beyond remedy; who can understand it?” (Jeremiah 17:9).

Sometimes, I really appreciate my heart. Sometimes – usually when I am deeply moved or overjoyed – I am awed by God’s design of the heart. But there are many times when I wish I could shut off my heart, when I want to ignore or overcome its neediness or desires, when I am angry with its deceit and its obstinate pursuit of the “unreasonable”, and I would like nothing more than to tear it out of my chest and hurl it over a steep cliff.

(Anyone else?)

 

 

I have only to be reminded of any infamous historical figure that may well be described as “heartless” to realize that’s not really what I’m after.

But seriously, do the benefits of having a heart really outweigh the ills?

Imagine! What if I could hurl my heart over a steep cliff and be done with it? I would feel so….SO….. nothing. I couldn’t even properly rejoice at my victory. Nor could I become a contagion to excite my brother to rejoice with me. My message would be empty words and his embrace mere ritual. And who is he anyway but another mortal? I can’t love him, nor can I receive his love. As a matter of fact, I would have just thrown away the light in my eyes.

So it is that my heart enables me to experience more deeply the elation of love. But then, the more deeply I love someone, the more keenly I feel hurt by them. What’s the use?! Is it really better to love and to lose than never to love at all (Alfred Lord Tennyson)?

Emotions, passions and desires are a gift from God. In their essence, love, hatred, joy, sadness, fear, desire and anger are all good. They have a place in God’s plan. Now, I might “feel” like eating four extra helpings of dessert or “desire” to punch my best friend in the face, but I have to remember that “from the beginning it was not so” (Matthew 19:8). The passions of the first man and woman were perfectly ordered toward the good – love of God and love of neighbor. It was sin that disordered everything. It is sin that takes these good things out of their proper place and time and context.

We are living in a fallen state. This is the reason I am so often at war with my heart. This is the reason that I can’t always just “follow my heart”, because not everything I desire and not everything that I think “feels good” is actually good for me, or good for the person next to me. It is necessary for me to temper my emotions with my reason and will, while not denying or suppressing them, but keeping in mind that at the “heart” of everything is a good desire. It just might need to be untangled and reordered towards its true end.

I don’t know about you, but my heart is kind of messy. And oftentimes I act tough so people don’t see how much they mean to me or what they are saying or doing is really affecting me. It’s scary to be vulnerable and open my heart, because I risk being hurt. And unfortunately, sometimes it happens, because the world is not perfect, and sometimes I am the cause of that hurt, because I am not perfect. But perhaps I can learn to see the pain as gift instead of ill, an opportunity to ask how I may love you more perfectly, instead of merely seeking to enjoy the good feelings of love.

Question: Does she know I'm a Christian?

 

One night, when I was a junior in high school, I was spending some time with my confirmation sponsor and a good friend of ours. We had decided to go to Burger King. Important to note: this particular Burger King had a child’s play area in a little patio outside, complete with a ball pit and a large tube slide and everything! My friend and I decided that we were going to slide down the slide on trays, much to the chagrin of my sponsor. Why not go sliding, right? We may have been a few inches over the height limit, but the place was empty.

So we took off our shoes and gathered our plastic vehicles, and proceeded up the stairs. This was going to be A-MAZING! See, when you go down a slide on a tray, you aren’t as easily slowed by jeans and rough clothing. Nope, it’s all slick and quick.

Laughing hysterically, we reached the top and continued with our descent. WHEEEEEEEEEEEEE…….oof! Uh-oh…

Who should meet us at the bottom? A Burger King employee.

(Though my memory is not the best,
I am sure this is probably what she looked like)

“You need to leave,” she ordered us. We reluctantly complied.

There was no more fun to be had. We had been kicked out.

We put our shoes back on and walked outside the gate which led from the play area to the parking lot. Where was my confirmation sponsor???? Her car was not there. I can’t believe she abandoned us at the restaurant! We wandered around for a moment looking for her, and spotted her car at the gas station next store. Oh, she’s getting gas. She’ll come back, we trusted. Sure enough, she did.

We climbed in the car, still laughing at our mischievous ordeal and gleefully explaining the whole event and the moment when the woman came and told us to leave, but she was silent. Gradually, our smiles faded.

After some time, she said very soberly, “Does she know you’re a Christian?”

Well…no. What reason had I given her to believe I was a Christian, in my immature disregard for rules and restaurant etiquette? In fact, if she did know I was Christian, I had just given her reason to believe that Christians were immature and probably not much different from the rest of the world (at least, the youth world).

In his letter to the Ephesians, St. Paul writes, “I, then, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to live in a manner worthy of the call [some translations write vocation] you have received” (Eph. 4:1). He goes on, in the rest of the chapter, to describe what that entails:

·         Humility, gentleness, patience

·         Striving for unity

·         Not being led astray by false teaching or “deceitful scheming”

·         Living the Truth in love

·         Speaking the truth to one another

·         Not sinning in anger, and not “letting the sun go down” on our anger

·         Not stealing, but doing honest work and sharing with those in need

·         Building up others with our words, and not using foul language

·         Putting aside all bitterness, fury, anger, shouting, reviling and malice, and replacing these  with kindness, compassion and forgiveness

That’s a tough load, I tell ya. But then, the call to beatitude – to union with Christ in heaven! – is a lofty call. We cannot earn heaven, but Christ invites all of us and offers us the gift of redemption that He Himself won for us. We ought to show ourselves worthy of this gift, this call, grateful for His generous mercy.

As Christians, members of Christ’s Body, our lives should direct others toward Christ our Head. Just as it would be strange to carry on a relationship with a headless person, people should not come to us and find only . . . us. Hopefully, by our actions and by our language, we encourage others to look to the Head. Hopefully, by our actions and by our language, we reveal the beauty of Christ, rather than detract from it.

There are times the words of my confirmation sponsor still resound in my head.

Does she know I’m a Christian? Do I love as Christ loves, or am I judgmental and self-righteous?

Does he know I’m a Christian? 
Do I confidently and uncompromisingly live my faith and morals, or do I say one thing and do another?

Does the world know I’m a Christian?

Is there anything that sets me apart, or do I act just like everyone else?

It is not easy to be a Christian. By that, I mean that it is not easy to take the call seriously, and truly live what we profess to believe. It is easy to compromise. Everyone does this. I don’t feel like it. I don’t want to upset them. All my friends cuss. It’s just a joke. I’m just having fun. It’s just a little lie. I have a right to be angry. I’m only like this at home. I'm doing what I think is best. It’s not that big of a deal…

Sliding down a Burger King slide on a food tray didn’t seem like a big deal either, but some things look different in the light of eternity.

 

11. You Have a Vocation

This past week, I had an amazing conversation with a good friend of mine (I’ll call him Patrick) about vocation. Patrick and I both discovered we were in a very similar place in our lives and in our hearts, and what resulted was a most blessed (and, in my view, long-overdue) dumping session about relationships, marriage and celibacy, our hopes for the future, and God’s plan for our lives.

This is a big question among young adults (at least, within Catholic/Christian circles): What IS my vocation?

 

Vocation.\vō-ˈkā-shən\ noun.
                a: a summons or strong inclination to a particular state or course of action

I think the element of “calling” is particularly important to vocation. Most of us will agree that there is something very different between taking some course of action just to make ends meet or to have an experience versus doing so because we feel it is our "call", our passion, perhaps even a major purpose of our life! God has a unique plan for each of our lives. Through our experiences, He offers us opportunities to grow and to learn, so as to be able to live that plan fully. He calls us (“summons” us, if you speak like Merriam-Webster) to serve Him and others in a particular way, the way that best allows us to develop and share the gifts He has given us, and the way that, God willing, most helps us to become holy.

In regards to a permanent state of life, Catholics generally recognize that God calls men and women to:

Marriage: This is the state of life to which most are called. The Church understands Holy Matrimony to be not only a natural institution, but a supernatural institution, a Sacrament. It is regarded as a beautiful way of living out man's universal call to holiness, and is also a type and symbol, though imperfect, of Christ's union with His Church and what we have to look forward to in heaven. "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the Church and handed Himself over for her, to sanctify her..." (Ephesians 5:25-26).

 

With Jill and Christian Welp, a beautiful married couple,
and their youngest daughter

Celibacy: This is lived out in priesthood, religious life (nuns/sisters or brothers) or in a single life
voluntarily and permanently consecrated to God. Celibacy (for the sake of the Kingdom of God)
is appropriately understood as a giving up of one good for a higher good, and in this light the
celibate state can be considered "objectively superior" to the married state (Pope John Paul II,
Vita Consecrata, no. 32). This is because the celibate forgoes the joys of sexual union on earth in
order to give Christ his/her sole affection on earth and live in greater anticipation of the joys of
(spiritual) union with Christ in heaven,  where man will "neither marry nor be given in
marriage" (Matthew 22:30). Even still, this does not, or should not, devalue marriage in any way.
Rather, the two states of life are meant to complement each other, and celibacy itself embodies
the true fulfillment of the married state, which is union with Christ.

 

  

With some former Intercessors of the Lamb.....and a former Carmelite nun :)

 

With Fr. Louis Merosne, a Catholic priest from Haiti

 

As we young adults get to be . . .well, older adults . . . we watch our friends get married or, in some cases, go off to seminaries or convents to discern a deeper commitment to God, and we sometimes get a little restless. We may start to ponder things like:
Maybe there’s something wrong with me…
Maybe I should just “settle” for somebody, so I don't end up alone…
Maybe the fact that my relationships aren’t working out means God is calling me to celibacy…
I could do so much more good in that other vocation rather than the one I really desire…

Hold up.

Let’s refocus.

Pope John Paul II says that man’s vocation is “at once earthly and transcendent” (Sollicitudo Rei Socialis). Huh?

As my friend Patrick said (I’m paraphrasing), “I used to hate vocations [to religious life], because I felt like they deprived good marriages. I felt like I had my plans for marriage and God got in the way.” He pointed out that His vision was distorted. Whatever our vocation is, the end is not the vocation; the end is God.

In other words, our earthly vocations are important but they should be a means of helping us to fulfill our transcendent vocation, this universal human vocation which the Church terms "man's vocation to beautitude" (blessedness). Man is created to know, love and serve God in this life, and to be happy (blessed) with Him in heaven. St. Therese of Lisieux put it so well when she said, "My vocation is to love!" Indeed, the question of "vocation" should not make us anxious and afraid, but excited to enter more deeply into the mystery of God's love, via whatever path He should call us to receive it and to share it with others.

For all of us, heaven - eternal life and union with God - is our ultimate end. If our earthly vocation (or the pursuit of it) distracts or separates us from our Ultimate End, let us take the time to stop and redirect our attention and affections toward the ONE we were created for.

“Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and everything else will be given you besides” (Matthew 6:33).

Question: My God, My God, Why Have you Abandoned Me?

Do you want to know something that contributes to my uniqueness?

Tough, I’m going to tell you anyway.

My favorite genre of movies is Holocaust movies.



Life is Beautiful. The best movie ever!

Now, I know that probably sounds morbid and sadistic upon first hearing, but I do not mean it in that way. I just happen to love movies (and books) that portray the victory of the human person over difficult or demoralizing conditions and the resilience of the human spirit in suffering, especially when the story is based on true events.

The victory of the human spirit in suffering…

I don’t think it would be right to write a series of blogs on what it means to be human and say nothing of this mystery that we call “suffering.”

Why on earth is there so much of it??? Why do our families break apart? Why are we mistreated and abused by the people who say they love us most? Why are there children in Africa dying of hunger and violence and AIDS? Why are our countries torn apart by natural disasters, and children orphaned by chemical warfare? Why?!

Man suffers physically, emotionally, and psychologically, and when he finds no satisfactory meaning to for his suffering, he suffers all the more. What is the meaning of it all?

“If God is good, why is there so much suffering in the world?”

Man suffers on account of evil, which is a certain lack, limitation or distortion of good. We could say that man suffers because of a good in which he does not share, from which in a certain sense he is cut off, or of which he has deprived himself. He particularly suffers when he “ought"—in the normal order of things—to have a share in this good and does not have it. (Bl. Pope John Paul II, Salvifici Doloris, para. 7)

God does not desire for His children to suffer. It is the companion of evil and sin, which entered the world not with the dawn of man, but with the Fall of man. When man first chose sin – disobedience to God – he chose to deprive himself of the goodness of life in God, and suffering was the natural consequence of his choice. We suffer because of that original sin, and because of the actual sins that we and those around us continue to commit. God does not cause suffering, but He does permit it, because in love, He will not overstep our free will.

 

“What have I done to deserve this?”

Although suffering can be, at times, a consequence of sin, a call to conversion and a catalyst for the “rebuilding of goodness” (SD, 12) within us, we would be mistaken to believe that all of our pain and sorrow comes to us because we have done something wrong. Sometimes God allows us to experience suffering as a test, an opportunity for personal growth and growth in virtue. We need only recall the story of Job to see that this is true. Job was a “blameless and upright man….who feared God and avoided evil” (Job 1:1). Yet, in a matter of days, Job loses ten children and hundreds of livestock, and contracts a disease. Talk about an archetypical example of bad things happening to good people. Maybe it would help to reframe our questions from “God, why are you doing this?” and “What have I done?” to “God, what is this for?” and “What are you teaching me?”

“My God, My God, why have You abandoned me?”

God, where were You when I needed You?

Where were You when all that I hoped for -
Where were You when all that I dreamed -
Came crashing down in shambles around me?
You were on the cross.
(From the song “You Were on the Cross”, by Matt Maher)

The cross: The place where our suffering is finds its ultimate meaning. The Cross is the place where God, in the Person of Jesus Christ, chooses to fully embrace the mystery of human suffering, brought about evil and sin. Though He Himself is sinless, He chooses to enter into it, to wrap it around Himself and breathe in all its torments….even the terrifying anguish of feeling abandoned by God (Mt. 27:46)….and by means of His suffering and death, to redeem a world under its curse. Christ’s suffering, death, and RESURRECTION open, for us, a door to life which was previously closed because of sin. Through them, we again become sharers in God’s divine life.

His suffering is an expression of the magnanimous love of the Father, willing to GIVE His own beloved Son up to death, and the love of the Son, willing to freely lay down His own life…for me and for you. Everyone suffers. Everyone has a “cross” to bear. But without Jesus Christ, that cross is just a heavy burden, a hunk of senseless pain. Jesus Christ gives meaning to our suffering: Love. On the Cross, He took MY sin upon Himself, and He entered into MY suffering. He proves that He does not abandon me; He does run from me in my suffering. He takes it upon Himself; He suffers with me in it (compassion).

Why did He do it? Love.
And because He did it, He transformed suffering from mere punishment and deprivation to an entry point into deeper union with Him and His abundant love.

How do we respond to suffering?

Viktor Frankl, telling the story of his life in a Nazi concentration camp, says this: “If [suffering] were avoidable…the meaningful thing to do would be to remove its cause, be it psychological, biological or political. To suffer unnecessarily is masochistic rather than heroic” (Man’s Search for Meaning). 

And St. Paul says this: “Now I rejoice in my sufferings for your sake, and in my flesh I am filling up what is lacking in the afflictions of Christ on behalf of his body, which is the church…” (Colossians 1:24).

It is commendable to seek medical help, to work for social justice, to seek to alleviate suffering, especially the suffering of others – provided we do this humanely and morally. It is perfectly acceptable to pray for God’s healing or deliverance. But while we wait, and if the healing we expect does not come, still we can find cause for rejoicing. We don’t rejoice because we are in pain, but because we believe that God desires the good and is already at work in bringing good things from our suffering, for ourselves and for others. We rejoice because through our suffering, borne in love, we are purified of our pride, our imperfections, our sin….and we are better able to help others and suffer with others going through the same trials. We rejoice because, through our suffering, united to Christ’s on the Cross, we share in His work of redemption.

“I consider that the sufferings of this present time are as nothing compared to the glory to be revealed for us” (Romans 8:18).

Regardless of the answer to the “why?” of our pain and sorrow, the answer to the “what for?” is always love. As with our joys, our gifts, our relationships – the whole of our lives – our suffering is an invitation and can be a means to greater Love. Suffering may be the result of evil, but with Christ our Victor, let us “overcome evil with good” (Romans 12:21).