Question: Why Value Marriage?

I’ve sure been hearing a lot about marriage lately. From friends wanting to get married, to court decisions on DOMA and Proposition 8, to various Feast days in the Church celebrating martyrs who gave their life to defend God’s design for marriage.

Last week I heard a homily about how we NEED to have more esteem for marriage. As I listened, I shouted silently, “Why? WHY?! You MUST tell me WHY!!!”

Don’t get me wrong, I agree with the priest. We need to have more esteem for marriage, and marriage as God intended it, between one man and one woman (if you are bothered by that statement, please go back and read my previous blog). We live in an age and culture that values “hooking up”, “friends with benefits”, cohabitation, non-commitment, and sexual experimentation. The institution of marriage is not esteemed, but all too often undermined and disregarded. We want what is easiest, most convenient, and most pleasurable, and a lifelong commitment to love and be faithful to another person, in good times and bad, is not always all of those things.

I agree that we must esteem marriage. But as I live in this age and this culture, in which even the Christians (who profess to believe that marriage is something far greater than a civil union) share in the cynicism and settle for second-best, “why?” is a logical and necessary question.

So, why should we esteem the institution of marriage? Here are just a few thoughts (I'm sure you can think of others - feel free to add)….

1) Marriage is a Sacrament. For those who may not know, a Sacrament is an outward sign instituted by Christ to bring grace. The Catholic Church acknowledges 7 Sacraments (Baptism, Reconciliation, Holy Eucharist, Anointing of the Sick, Confirmation, Matrimony, and Holy Orders). Indeed, marriage has been around long before the time of Christ, but it has been “raised by Christ our Lord to the dignity of a Sacrament” (CCC* 1601). He desired that, by His grace, we come to experience again the union of persons as it was “in the beginning” (see Matt. 19:1-12) AND ALSO realize that that union of persons is not the end which we seek, but a foreshadowing of the union we will have with God in heaven. Earthly marriage is only a “sign” of a greater heavenly reality!

2) Marriage is sacrificial. Yes, indeed, a great marriage requires great sacrifice. “As the Church is subordinate to Christ in everything, so wives should be subordinate to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives even as Christ loves the Church and handed Himself over for her” (Eph. 5:24-25). In essence, spouses must love one another more than themselves, because they must be willing to set aside their own desires oftentimes for the good of their spouse. We hail our servicemen and women for the sacrifices they make for our country (and rightly so), and we regard military service very highly. What if we upheld marriage in this way? Married couples ought to be encouraged for their sacrificial love and supported in their "heroism".  Then perhaps they would never forget that their marriage is something worth fighting for.

3) A healthy marriage is good for the children. Children who come from a stable home life have a much more solid foundation to build upon, emotionally, mentally, psychologically, even spiritually. And a healthy family flows from a healthy marriage. So what makes a healthy marriage? Fundamentally, that father and mother live the truth of their human sexuality (See: You have a body!). And second to that, that the love between the spouses is faithful, fruitful, free and total. In such an environment, spouses are more secure in their identity and their love for one another, and can better transmit that love and support to their children. Their children, in turn, may be better equipped to make healthy choices in regards to their bodies and lifestyles. “The well-being of the individual person and of both human and Christian society is closely bound up with the healthy state of conjugal and family life” (CCC 1603). To quote our U.S. Bishops: “Our culture has taken for granted for far too long what human nature, experience, common sense, and God’s wise design all confirm: the difference between a man and a woman matters, and the difference between a mom and a dad matters. While the culture has failed in many ways to be marriage-strengthening, this is no reason to give up. Now is the time to strengthen marriage, not redefine it.”

I may not be married, but it is well for me to esteem marriage, to support married couples, to honor their commitment, and to encourage them in their struggles, because this is their path to holiness – to heaven! – and I want to help them get there. Plus, from healthy marriages come healthier families, and the children of today’s families are the children who will tomorrow be leading our country, our church, our world.

I may be disheartened by negative societal trends, but I will not reject marriage because of the example of those who failed to live it as they promised. Marriage is a beautiful vocation, and ought to be regarded as such. Let us pray, and together rebuild a marriage culture!

In light of recent court decisions, you may wish to also reference this article on the well-being of children of homosexual versus heterosexual parents.