14. You are Not Your Own

Recently, I have been reading a great book on AIDS. (Because that is what I do in my free time). The author discusses the downfalls of the prevailing approach to AIDS prevention – which is mostly the promotion of condoms, voluntary counseling and testing for other STDs – and then proceeds to show why sexual abstinence and fidelity to one’s partner are still, holistically, the best options for preventing the spread of AIDS. Why? Because they show highest regard for the dignity of man – the inherent beauty of the marital act and the marriage vows, honor for "the other", man’s ability to change behavior, and his or her real capacity to live a life of virtue.

The world would like us to believe that man isn’t much more than an animal, and all that separates us from our four-legged friends is that we invent technology which allows us to do the same things in a way that is “better” or “safer.”

For an illustration of this point, you can read this blog by Matt Walsh. In it, he responds to a letter from a concerned high school student describing a “health teacher” who labels abstinence as outdated and unrealistic. She says that since sex is often commonplace in relationships and not viewed as a serious thing – since everyone is doing it and that’s totally fine – we should at least make sure we have “safe sex.”

(Speeding on the freeway is commonplace too. But that’s fine, right? As long as everyone is wearing a seatbelt?)

“So-called ‘safe sex’, which is touted by the ‘civilization of technology’, is actually, in the view of the overall requirements of the person, radically not safe, indeed it is extremely dangerous. It endangers both the person and the family. And what is this danger? It is the loss of the truth about one’s own self and about the family, together with the risk of a loss of freedom  and consequently a loss of love itself.”
- Pope John Paul II, Letter to Families, n. 13

A loss of love itself….

Maybe, ye "teachers" and "health care" providers, the answer to our problems (not just sexual) does not involve technological band-aids for our human crises. Maybe what we need is humanity.

Our technological advances do not make us more human. The mere pursuit of pleasure and avoidance of pain and unwanted consequences  do not make us more human. Utilitarianism, especially when it is endorsed as an expression of enlightenment, superiority, or liberation, does not make us more human.

“Man finds himself only in the sincere gift of himself.”
 - John Paul II -

In 1963, Archbishop Fulton published a book entitled “The Priest is Not His Own.” In it, he describes the vocation of a diocesan priest and what he views as the priest’s primary call, which is to be, like Christ, a victim, willingly offering oneself for and on behalf of those he serves. A life lived for others.

In 1979, Mother Teresa, a little nun from Macedonia, won the Nobel Peace Prize for the 31 years (eventually, 49, by the time she died) she spent voluntarily living among “the poorest of the poor”, walking the streets, lifting men out of gutters, personally caring for the sick, diseased, orphaned, and abandoned. A life lived for others.

Most recently, Seth Adam Smith caused quite a stir in the blogging world for his assertion, as a married man, that “Marriage is for Not for Me.” He goes on to say that a true marriage is not about you, but about your spouse – “their wants, their needs, their hopes and their dreams.” Their soul. A life lived for another. (Needless to say, he was criticized by some readers for not caring enough about himself.)

 

"The glory of God is man fully alive."
- St. Irenaeus -

To be fully human is to be alive in authentic love, and authentic love always requires self-sacrifice and generosity.  It requires, as Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI says, to desire another’s good and to “take effective steps to secure it.” It is not words alone, but action. It does not say “What’s the least I can do?” but “What’s the best I can do?” It is not concerned with relational shortcuts and compromises and what is easiest and most comfortable for the lover, but it is willing to place one’s own desires second to the desires and/or needs of the beloved, for their good. It recognizes the dignity and worth of the other and seeks always to uphold, protect, and honor it, in thought, word, and action. In many ways, authentic love seeks to consider the other as more important than oneself. To be alive in this love is truly to be alive in God, in Christ, because truly, Jesus Christ gave us the highest example of generous and self-sacrificial love on the Cross.

"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit....and that you are not your own?" - 1 Cor. 6:19 -

It is difficult to truly love others if we do not have a proper love and respect for ourselves, as men and women tenderly fashioned by the hand of God. We belong to him, as a creation belongs to its creator, but also as a child belongs to its parent. We are not our own. And here's the mind-blowing part!!! God entrusts Himself to us (in the person of Christ as well as in the Holy Spirit), and gives us the responsibility to care for Him and to take the steps to keep Him alive in us and help Him grow. More often than not, God chooses to come into the world through man, especially through men and women who choose to place this Divine life within them above their own.

To love authentically is not just the call of the priest and the nun. It is for the married man. It is for the single woman. It is for any who call themselves human. Regardless of your occupation, your vocation, or your state in life, you are not your own. Your life is not meant to be lived for you alone, for maximization of personal pleasure and gain. Your human longing to love – etched on every heart – is intended to be lived out in service to God and others, in authentic, sacrificial love.  

 

I will end with this quotable quote:

“It is Jesus in fact that you seek when you dream of happiness, he is waiting for you when nothing else you find satisfies you; he is the beauty to which you are so attracted; it is he who provokes you with that thirst for fullness that will not let you settle for compromise; it is he who urges you to shed the masks of a false life; it is he who reads in your hearts your most genuine choices, the choices that others try to stifle. It is Jesus who stirs in you the desire to do something great with your lives, the will to follow an ideal, the refusal to allow yourselves to be grounded down by mediocrity, the courage to commit yourselves humbly and patiently to improving yourselves and society, making the world more human and more fraternal.”
(Blessed John Paul II; World Youth Day Vigil, 2000)