Question: Do You Love Yourself?

Yesterday I went to confession and, when I was all finished confessing my sins, the priest said to me, “Are you kind of hard on yourself?”

I responded: “Well, yeah…. But Father, I think people are too easy on me!”

Case in point. J

I have been taking some dance lessons the past few months, and it is the same in dance: if I make a misstep or lose my count, etc., I shut down. I immediately get all floppy-armed and all bummed out, and I give up all hope of recovery. I am disappointed by my imperfections…

And too often I think that because I am imperfect, I am a disappointment.

What I need is not a dance partner who is more affirming. What I need is the ability to affirm myself. I need to be able to recognize and believe that the things I do and the efforts I make (in dance, in relationships, in ministry, in LIFE) are good, valuable, beautiful. More than that, I need to believe that, regardless of the things I do (or fail to do), I am good, valuable and beautiful.

But how?

Well, belief is voluntary. If people insult me, cut down my work, tell me I’m terrible at the very thing I think I’m doing well at, etc., I can weigh the evidence and the credibility of their words and choose whether or not I’m going to believe them. Even if it is true of my work, I can separate my work from who I am. If my lack of experience or knowledge in a field gives me reason to doubt my ability or if others in the past have told me I am good for nothing, my will may be weakened by my lack of confidence, but the choice to believe is still my own. I decide whether I will let these things define me. So I begin there, with my will, with the desire to see myself in truth.

But how do I know what the truth is?

The only sufficient answer to this question is this: the truth is a person, and His name is Jesus Christ. “Jesus said, ‘I am the way, the truth, and the life…’ (John 14:6).” Nowhere else and through no one else can I find an adequate answer to the questions of “Who am I?” and “What am I worth?” I cannot find my identity solely in my parents, my brothers, my coworkers, my best friend, or even a spouse. Our buddy, Trent, (in the video at the beginning), has a great message, but it is incomplete. I cannot stake everything on a human "heart that is meant to love me." It is definitely a blessing to have people in my life that encourage me and build me up, but if I evaluate my own worth solely by what they think of me or say to me, I run into trouble, because they are imperfect human beings too, who sometimes say unkind things out of anger or fear or tiredness or frustration. They will all, at some point or in some way, let me down.

Only God is perfect. Only His love is perfect. Through prayer, the Scriptures, and the Sacraments of the Church, I come to know Jesus. And by coming to know Jesus, who is Truth, can I come to know myself in truth.

So I begin with the desire, the will. And then I acknowledge that my will alone is not enough.

Lord, help me to see myself as You see me.
Help me to love myself as You love me.


“You are not the sum of your weaknesses and failures; you are the sum of the Father’s love for you and your real capacity to become the image of His Son.”
– Bl. Pope John Paul II